I farted.

Helas.
First of all: How is you?

Now.
Over two weeks have passed since I went to the fulltime clinic.
I'm getting the Saturday and Sundays off, having to be back at 9 anyways, not allowed to sleep at home yet.
I fucked off a few days ago, slept home but got convinced to join their asylum again the day after. God damn Brainwashing.
Today is Sunday. Sundays are bad. I always detested them.
I didn't do a structure for the day, as I was supposed to, either because Sundays are unpredictable and today is bad, like bad. So just let me live.

19 days.. 19 days.. I don't know where I'm at.
My heart is empty, as is my soul. I'm filled with a mixture of the will to become good/cured while being full of all evil I consumed over the years, steadily growing. I can still feel the ticking inside my head, and that mothafuggin bomb is gonna splatter my head into pieces fosho'. I have my doubts of all of this coming to a happy end.
I'm not made for that. and I don't want that.
I'm curing my depressions, yes. but no, I'm not changing. I'm not becoming good. Blood must flow.
My potential is becoming dangerous. It's humongous.
I'm not gonna leave clinic untill I have complete control over what I possess. This is a one time chance, not to make up for my mistakes, but to build up on them.

You can feel the hate filling my heart, yes?
Sane or not, right or wrong, irresponsibility is not a matter no more. I can build up on what I am. This is not about becoming good.

I'm playing along their shitty games. but I'm just patiently enduring and waiting for my time to come.
You'll see me rushing through the god damn glass door the moment I can finally feel through my whole body what has been hidden inside my mind for so long.

Why yes, I am changing. but for good? HA, what for?
No. I am gonna become a better someone, yes. but I won't join the lousy norm. That's just not my goal. No more.
Blood must flow.

This is a threat, yes.
Take my warning serious. Don't expect to get harmed by me, this is not my intention. I have bigger actions planned.

Your question:
Will I make animations and art again?
The chances stand alright, though I do not care much about art no more. But I won't keep my hand still no more.. soon.
I'm someone that has to produce, for too long I was unable to do so, and it harmed me. The defects holding me back are getting rid off. I'll use this goddamn creativity and potential in all it's glory.
And yes, that does mean I'll return to the business at some point of time. But there will be changes.

I won't be the same no more.
I'll be bigger. A standalone being. A cruel fighter with no sense of moral. I am a threat to everyone else and I'm loving it. And I'm working hard on it. I have no love no more, it has been taken away from me. So what do you do to get over it?
You hate.
And I can hate just as much as I loved. Even more.
You may watch and enjoy the process of all this. I can promise the audience getting much more out of this then when I've been in the slavery called love.

I'm still caged, but I know where the key is now. and I'm digging through my skull to get to it. Things are changing.
Something is happening.

And it ain't the way anyone would want things to turn out.
But me.
godcomplex?

eh.. I think I'm becoming moar insane in thair than outside.

Also:
Today the true war on Scientology begins.
I have high doubts in the chances that this will remain a peaceful protest. Too many monsters among us.
The time has come to make a move and I can see some using up their fully grown evil potential to the max just for this real-life act.

They better pull off something epic. Nobody needs random /b/tards shouting memes through a crowd. I beg to differ this will be in any successful buttt ahhh well, freedom of whatever.
Better not make it a failget.

So this is a newspost. You think you're up to date now but you know oh so little of what's truly happening.

But after all the hate, I still love you.
And rly.. It only began. This is just an inbetween post.

Chillout. Keep it coo'.
----------------
Now playing: Yael Naïm - New Soul

going to clinic tomorrow.
changing my life. becoming happy.

coming back though.
hang on.

EDIT: Gonna take awhile. I may stay there. Alot has build up that has to be "cured". There's some digging to do.

Lol I'll never make it but I'm giving it this last shot. and if it's only to get antidepressions.

LastEDIT: Too late to get healed. I'm overdue.

NVM: I'll be good, it's just gonna be really really hard.
send me getbetter cards.

Hallo.
I have no real nor good news to post. I'll go to therapy soon to become sane and happy again, cuz I can't work with depressions any longer. and I gotta take actions. blahblah

As an addon- which I'm trying to get over with sense and reason, is that "fiance" V and I broke up. [I'm counting on you to celebrate this fully, Luis.]
Only real news to post so that's why. I'll make the best out of it, probably even much more than to anyones expectations. Being in love was akward anyways, youre like a slave. Hate can drive one so much further, it's more motivating I think. ^O^ Gotta make her regret.. cuz I'm not hopeless..
I think I'll like being free. I was basically living on my love for her that's why I kept negletting myself and I didn't use any of my god damn potential.. things will turn sexy again now, as soon as im over the carp phase that is.

I hope to make art and movies again soon. 2008 is still meant to be promising and lifechanging. Lastchancewoop.

EskimoBobthing is out. but you already know cuz youre here.
slacker slacker slacker. gotta get more workmotivated.

Im going to France over newyears, fiance love matters. Gotta refresh.
2008 has to become a better year, srsly I'm putting all my hopes into next year.
If I fail it i quit. but anyways positive thinking

Can't wait to see you guys in '08
:3
Imma keep your bellys tingling.

[this actually wasn't a newspost. I tricked you]

Hey NG.

I haven't been too active lately.. my excuse for this would only be my mental condition which has been flipped around like crazy lately.
I can't really tell what's going on.. but I'm having kinda tuff times staying alive.

On the normal basis though, which excludes the possibility of me going nuts and dying any day, I'm still animating..
I finished the first commisioned work for the band Häckenjecks.. they were really happy with it, sadly not even that gave me any kind of kick or motivationrush.
But nontheless.. the people from EMI got to know me, and they asked for a new project right away.
"The eskimo dance"
It's to some awful childish song and it'll be for the winter season. I think they'll publish it like crazy and annoy everyone with it in those overflowing ringtone commercials.. but atleast if they do, it'll be my first work for TV ever. That's the reason I'll go on working with it.
I'll submit these kinda works alot later than normally cause I dont think many would be interested in them here, and also cause it's contract work after all and there are some legal issues.

I quit production and planning for my Christmas Tale "Choconugget" which was supposed to become the cutest thing you'd ever witness etc. due to motivation and time issues. Maybe next year Choconugget will come to life.

My Munny for the contest Luis is holding got stolen.. which hit me harsh cause I was putting love into the making of it.. but there's nothing to do bout it no more..
still sorry.

I started a personal project for myself again though. Finally.
Like in the good ol times it'll be random(though not at all) and experimental, with me animating stuff only whenever I feel like it.. so there's no stress nor rush. I can't tell when it'll finish.. but I guess the closer it gets to completion the earlier ill get fed up with it not being finished and just pile it together in a weird way.
I hope it can be my best personal work anyways, because the songs I'm using are inspiring me very much and I want it to inspire the people that'll watch it to a crazy extend.
Look forward to it.

Lifewise I am going through shittingdicknipples, as mentioned. No need to whine about it here but I figure it could do good to give note to youz once in a while. Cuz youre cute.

I'm trying to change things in my life that made it go down all so harsh.. but I think I lost too much will by now to strive for the best. I rly learned to hate myself over the years, and some kinda skitzo side of mine is really making the best efforts to keep me from achieving a shit.

I hope I can visit V for a week during Christmas. I'd really need it and it would help me alot.
wish me luck heh.

Sorry for always being depressed and unmotivated. I'd love to produce and produce all day long.
I'd love to write hundreds of pages of scripts for a huge movie and animate it all by myself, recording songs and designing and producing and putting all that's hidden inside mah head atm into it.
I'd love to make you laugh and feeel with my work, and make you gag, and impressed and left speechless in intimate ways... but I'm continuing to build up a block that's growing bigger and thicker than I could ever break from the inside.

Bare me some more though, it seems like I'll always come back.. and maybe one day I'll rise and blast you away out of nowhere with a lifeproject that's more epic than I could put into words right now.
if I ever stop raping my potential, that is.

Love anyways.
BTW: I'm still Sqeezy.